Mormon Dating

> : ( Those right there, those are my angry eyebrows. I only use them on very special occasions, but I am using them now. What, you may ask could bring on such an angry and hateful emoticon? Let me tell you a story that will eventually devolve into a diatribe.

Last night I went to a dating panel put on by my one of my bestest friends Tawni. I didn't go because I have so many burning questions about dating. I don't. I also didn't go because I feel like it could help me solve any dating problems I might have. I knew it couldn't. I'm antisocial, apathetic, and was fed up with dating at a very early age. A panel isn't going to help that. I went because Tawni was nervous about it and thought it was going to tank, and because that's what good friends do. I showed up less than enthused and left two and a half HOURS later feeling awkward, angry, and disgusted with how dating works in Utah. What happened in those two and a half hours? Nothing particularly unusual for a dating panel. Three dudes answered our questions and gave us "advice." I guess it was timing or something but it finally hit me just how messed up Mormon dating in Utah is. For those of you who don't know, it's really really messed up.

Here's my view of how things work in Mormonia and why its a horrible horrible system. Starting at age 12 in Young Woman's I, and many other Mormon lasses like me, endured I mean recieved countless lessons on the importance of marriage and how marriage should be our ultimate goal and how our aim in life should be to find a nice returned missionary with whom to settle down and start popping out munchkins. But no until we're 16. And then we graduate, the majority of the graduating class goes to a BYU or to UVU and does just that. They find a man whom is cute and charming. They date for a couple of months and get married. Then they start churning out child after child. 20 some odd years later when all their kids have left home they realize that they don't know one another, and never really did.

Ok, maybe that's too harsh, but I see it happening all around me. And I see girls who want that, and only that. And it makes me sad. Not because I feel like this is a horrible path to go down. For some people it works, they are happy and it's great. It makes me sad because of all the girls who base their happiness and self esteem on making that their life. Girls who cry themselves to sleep because they aren't getting asked out on dates. Girls who feel worthless because they are 21 and not married. Girls who hide their beautiful, and wonderful quirks under layered tees and long straight hair so that they pre-med guy in their institute will maybe ask them out on a date. Girls who are afraid to live because that's not what life is about.

Then there's people like me, acutally specifically me. I'm 20 years old and still feel years away from being ready to be married. I don't care that I haven't been asked out on a date months, or that I haven't had an actual boyfriend in... awhile. And I am absolutely fine because who I am doesn't depend on someone else. I mean sure, sometimes I think a boyfriend would be nice, but having one isn't essential. I can live my life without a hunk of burning man love in it. And maybe that's going to get me in trouble later on. Maybe I'll end up 35 living alone with a lot of cats. But I think I'd rather be there, having lived life, and found myself and done things my way then to be 35 with 6 kids and a husband I don't even know if I love.

Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe everyone else has it right. Maybe I'm just a bitter feminist man hater. But then again, maybe I'm on to something and this system is broken and needs fixing.