Going to a Party?

Well here I am, sitting on a couch preparing to go to a college party. It's my second ever. I believe the purpose for gathering is to play beer pong. As a Mormon I don't drink. So I'm going with a friend to a party where everyone will be playing drinking games, but me. Everyone will be getting drunk, but me. Everyone will be enjoying a happy alcohol induced buzz, but me. And finally everyone will be totally sloppy drunk, but me. So my question is, am I really going to a party? I'm not going to be partying, not really. So does that mean I will be at a party, or will I simply be near a party, around a party. In a party, but not at the party. Without participating in normal college party activities will I be able to look back on these happy events and say that I went to parties in college? I'll let you know.

Why are books cooler than people?

This summer will be my last in California. Yes world of nonreaders, I am going back home to Utah and the University of Utah. Reason's being that UCLA is stupid and won't give me residency and I don't want more debt and to have to work all the time. THERE! I said it and now you know, or you would if you existed. So anyway you would think that as I my time in LA is limited I would be partying like a rock star, or at the very least strapping on my fanny pack and trying to see all of LA like and enthusiastic tourist. You would think wrong. More and more I find myself wanting to avoid the company of others and escape into a good book. I, being the introspective and self evaluating person that I am have turned within myself to try and find out why books are cooler than people (notice the nod at the post title there.) I will number this list, and present it to you now.

5. The smell. I guess I can only half count this. I mean some people smell quite good. But other people do not smell good at all. A book on the other hand always smells good. I have never placed my nose deep within a books pages and not been satisfied with the smell of the air that passes through my schnoz. For those of you wondering how much time I actually spend with my nose quite literally stuck in a book, it's a pretty decent amount when compared to the average amount of time a normal person spends sniffing books. While I'm on this train of thought while it is weird to sniff books, it's not as creepy as sniffing actual people.

4. The drama. In books most conflict is a)necessary and b) resolved or dealt with by the end of the book. If only life could be this way. Seriously so many times I find myself, or hear of others dealing with completely unnecessary drama and having issues that never get resolved and are forever blown out of proportion. If only life's could follow that awesome 6th grade plot mountain: introduction, rising action, climax, falling action, conclusion. That would be the best thing ever because no matter how bad things get you know that eventually there has to be a falling action and conclusion where things are resolved.

3. The variety. If I had to guess how many different books had been written ever in the entire history of the earth I would say about a bafrillion. Books come in every shape size and style, just like people. Books differ from people in the fact that you can go to your local library, bookstore or Amazon and find exactly what you are looking for in a book. With people, it's a little more difficult. You're basically stuck with what you have or can find in your immediate surroundings. Sometimes I wish I could go to a library of people. Except that's a little creepy and weird.

2. Libraries/bookstores. They have books by the hundreds and thousands. They smell fantastic. They have comfy chairs. They are available most everywhere. They are quiet. People don't bug you. I wish I could live there. In a dream world I would be paid to sit in Barns and Noble and read, all day.

1. The escape. When I read a book I can go anywhere and do anything. I can pick a character and put myself in his or her shoes. I can fight for Russia in the Napoleonic wars. I can keep Geese and find my true love. I can slay dragons, and learn spells. I can do all of these things sitting on my comfy couch drinking chocolate milk. I can pick up a book and forget about my problems. I get transported to another world and don't have to leave it until I read that last page. To me that is the best thing about books.

So this post probably makes me sound like a crazy cat lady or shut in, but as long as I have my books, I think I'm ok with that. Leo Tolstoy doesn't care if I lose all my friends and become one with my couch, so neither do I.

Reason I miss my bestest friend

Ok world of adoring fans who exist only in my mind, prepare for some seriously sappy crap. Sorry, it must be done, so bare with me. After years of denying the fact that I don't have a best friend, that I have lots of friends who I love equally well I must finally admit that I do in fact have a best friend. Her name is Heather Marné Williams. Thats not to say that I don't have a lot of other friends who I value and love and couldn't live without, but Heather is what some would call my bestie. The reason why, I believe, is that we are both sarcastic, but hilarious. Horrible people with good hearts. We have similar taste in music, movies, books, language, annoyances, clothes, shoes, etc. I can talk to her about most things, and I think she can do the same with me. I have heard people say we are basically the same person, and it's true, we basically are. For the past two years we have lived like 1000 miles apart with me in LA and her in Utah. Which sucks, but you know we are only 1 hour apart and can facebook and text and skype. This summer however she is in South Africa. The time difference is much greater and our opportunities to communicate in everyway besides telepathically have been reduced, and even the telepathic communications get scrambled in their transatlantic voyage. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I am a living testimony of this. I miss my best friend. I miss driving in the car singing to stupid songs with her. I miss making fun of stupid people with her. I miss complain about the stupidness of life with her. I miss her. All of her... no homo.

Cleaning

Dear nonexistent readers. The fact that I am writing this blog for imagined readers, and yes readers, who are not actually reading this, I do imagine quite a few of you reading this blog, shows that I have a very vivid imagination. Sometimes I wish the things in my mind would fall out into the world. For instance I think it would be swell if all my adoring fans were real, because then I would become famous and rich and they would make a movie about me just like "Julie and Julia." Today that is not the thing that I want to come out of my imagination. Today the thing that I want out of my imagination was a magic machine that would do all my cleaning for me. Because I know that will never be possible my second wish is that cleaning would be as easy and organized and fast as I imagine it. See before I do things I usually visualize them. Today as I sat and visualized cleaning I imagined it would be easy, and not take me all that long and I would be left with a spotless bedroom. False. It took me forever to clean my room and it's still not spotless. There are little bits and things everywhere. Moral of the story? I don't care anymore. I'm done trying to keep my room clean. F that noise, I'm a mess, deal with it.

Reason's why everyone should own a full length mirror

Riding the bus, and working at parking gives me plenty of time to people watch. This people watching of people, specifically poorly dressed people has provided me with a list of fashion faux pas that make me think that making it a law for everyone to own a full length mirror, and use it. Here is said list.

1. Visible panty lines, or heaven forbid visible panties. Ok sometimes I get it a line along the cheek creeps in, it happens. But I should not be able to tell exactly where your thong sits, or whether your undies are made of lace by happening to catch a glimpse of your backside as a walk behind you.

2. See through clothing. On the bus this morning I women was wearing pants so tight, and so white that i could see her red and white striped underwear very clearly. Let me tell you what I don't want to see when I'm on the bus at 6:30 in the morning. Your underwear. I mean did it cross this woman's mind that white is not a super solid pant color and that non-colored underwear might be a good thing? Seriously, and if that was intention I have one word for you. Tacky. Making sure that everybody knows what kind of underwear or bra you are in is a cheap ploy for attention specifically the attention of creepy hormonal boys. Get your fix some other way.

3. Ugg boots, and more specifically ugg boots with shorts. It is my firm opinion or perhaps hope that anyone who actually saw what they looked like when they wore uggs would stop immediately. Especially if they saw how ridiculous wearing booty shorts and Uggs looks. If you are cold you should take off the shorts and put on pants, even if you still insist on sticking your foot into a shoe that not only feels but looks like a sheep's ass, at least it makes tempuratural sense. If you are warm wear sandals because then no part of you will overheat.. If you are determined to look short and heinous then by all means pair you uggs with shorts, everybody with sense will hate you.

4. Body parts popping out of clothing. Call me a prude but if you can't sit down, bend over and shake it like a salt shaker without some inappropriate, or unintentional body part slipping out then you should change. The list of clothing in danger here are daisy dukes, mini skirts, those things that are too long to be shirts but don't have enough fabric to be qualified as a dress, low cut tops and tube tops. Just because you aren't worried about exposing yourself to the world doesn't mean the world isn't worried about you exposing yourself to it.

5. Muffin Tops. Very very very very very few people have perfect bodies. I know that. But everybody can buy jeans that are a bit bigger and shirts that are a bit longer. You will look better without a ring of flesh hanging over your jeans, I promise.

6 Plumbers crack. How do you not feel that breeze? Pull up the pants because the butt crack is in the running with pinky toes, and the uvula for the least attractive and sexy part of the body.

I'm not saying I have perfect fashion sense, or even good fashion sense, in fact my fashion sense sucks but the afore mentioned things, in my opinion are horrible crimes which should be stopped, and could be stopped with the use of a full length mirror. Sorry if this comes across rude, but I have seen all I can see and can no longer remain silent as my eyes bleed.

Life... as a musical?

Today I watched the 1955 version of Oklahoma. I have come to the conclusion that life would be better if it followed musical format. Seriously. Lets look at the pros and cons. Pros: If you are the protagonist everything is going to work out for you. You will find and capture the love of you life, figure out your problems, and probably grow as a person. And you get to do all these things with snappy song and dance numbers mixed right in. Any internal and external struggles are resolved in 2 maybe 3 scenes. Instead of fighting with your fists you get to do awesome ballet/break dance fighting. You also get to sing about your anger instead of repressing it and suffering horrible psychological complications later on in life. I mean sure there are some cons, the costumes are uncomfy, the makeup is horrific and generally your life would be really really cheesy. But quite honestly this protagonist, call me narcissistic but I do consider myself a protagonist, at least in my own life story, would greatly prefer to go through life knowing that in the end, no matter what sort of hardships I might face I will be rewarded with the perfect men, a resolution to all my woes and heartache and a greater knowledge of my inner self. So bring on the jazz hands and get my life to the theatre, it's show time.