Movie Trailer Junkie

I don't know if watching movie trailers can be considered a past time, but if it can be it's one of mine. I love the brief glimpse, the small taste, that trailers give of the films of the future. I often times, as is the case this evening, sit on IMDb or iTunes Movie Trailers and watch all the newest trailers for hours. I make mental lists of which movies I want to see as soon as they come out, which ones can wait until the dollar theater, and which ones will fade into the obscurity of my mind and never be thought of again, probably for good reason. While I watch these movie trailers I keep a running commentary going in my head. Because I am hilarious, and like to amuse myself. Here are the highlights of tonights preview binge.

• I know next to nothing about the Superman cannon. I think my knowledge is limited to him alien thing who wears underwear over his tights. Also Kryptonite is bad.
• There are a lot of big name movies coming out this summer that I should be excited to see, that I'm just...not. I'll still end up seeing them, I'm just not as thrilled about them. (I'm looking at you Iron Man 3).
• Old people falling in love movies ick me out. Pierce Brosnan is no longer sexy.
• I am so over struggling dance/music performers making it big time while trying to maintain their sense of self movies.
• If I see all the movies I want to see I will have no money. And given my propensity to see movies alone I will probably also lose all my friends.
• I have a huge crush on Jesse Eisenberg. There is just something about him...
• Planes? Really Pixar? Cut the crap and jump me straight to Monsters Inc. part 2.
• Arnold Schwarzenegger should not have resumed acting. It is possible that he never should have started. Stick to what you know governator, pumping steroids and screwing your housekeeper.
• They're making another "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs"? Does this mean I should see the first one?
• Julianne Moore is in everything, and I'm not upset.

That's our show, or at least my take on small clips from shows that have yet to be released, thanks for watching! Join us next time when Jessica tries to forget her antisocial tendencies in a cloud of 2 minute movie clips!

Twice!

Sister  Jean A Simmons, first lady to pray in General Conference.

And Sister Carole E. Stephens makes two! 

What's that? Doth mine eyes deceive me? That's not one, but two ladies that prayed in GC this weekend. Gender role and morality talks being set aside for a moment, things can change and we can change them! It's not everything, but it's something.

This Week is Going to be Awesome

It is Sunday, which means tomorrow is Monday. I have decided that this week is going to be awesome. Why? Let me tell you.

• On Tuesday I get to see my beautiful mother, whom I love. We are going to go to the wedding of my second cousin, I think, whom I don't know. I will get free food, free kitchen stuff, and the pleasure of her company. I will also get to see my grandma. It is going to fantastic.
• On Thursday I get to go see Joanna Brooks speak in Provo on stuff and stories and things and feminism. And I am SOOOOO EXCITED because she is my hero and I want to be just like her when I grow up. There definitely might be some teenage girl seeing One Direction type squealing.
• On Wednesday I work in the morning. Which may seem like a drag, but it means I only work until one and have all day to do whatever I want. So I think I'm going to go see a movie, alone, probably at The Broadway. Now I only have to decide if I want to see "Argo" or "The Impossible." 
• I don't work on Saturday, which opens up a whole slew of possibilities, I could go to Mapleton, I could sleep in, the world is my oyster.
• Tonight I made buffalo chicken pizza, and it was delicious, and now I'm going to watch Pride and Prejudice, and Mr. Darcy is delicious. 

So basically, as you can see, my week is going to be totally ballin'.

Oh, and someone at church told me I had an amazing singing voice. My ego has been ballooned AND my future is so bright I gotta wear shades.

You Know What Happens When You Assume*...

*Here come the swears so if it bugs you look away now.

And just in case you don't know I'll tell you. It makes an ass out of me and you. Clever clever, but oh so true. Sometimes other people's assumptions and subsequent ass impersonation, makes for fun times for everyone. You know someone makes an assumption, someone else says "well you know what happens when you assume..." everyone laughs and moves on. The person assuming probably feels silly, but really no harm done. Other times, however, someone makes an assumption that comes from a place of pride or hurt or jealousy and they really just look like an ASS. A big one. The kind of ass that makes you simultaneously want to punch them in the soft parts of their body and explain to them exactly what's going on so that they will go away and hide in their shame for awhile, but also run away and never talk to them again because you don't want to catch their particular form of ass hattery, and you're afraid  it just might be contagious.   Is there a point to this post? Not really. I just needed to get that off my chest, and it's to long for Facebook and twitter. I guess the take home message is don't assume things, and if you're going to assume things don't let jealousy rule your tongue/fingers. Also keep your assumptions off Facebook, because being an ass for a moment in a small group sucks, but parading your assery around for hundreds of people to see while also being immortalized as an ass online forever sucks a whole lot more.

Serious Thoughts on my Life's Direction

As many of you don't know, I am not going to be going to school for the next 8 months. Now for those of you who follow my life religiously you might know that this fall I started the occupational therapy program at the university of Utah, and generally school programs are continuous without lengthy breaks. Well you would be right. Unfortunately however last semester I had a cadaver lab. Where I dissected a body and was then tested on the muscles, vessels and nerves. It was part of a three part class along with an anatomy lecture and a kinesiology lecture. I struggled with the lab portion of this class. I don't like death, I don't like dead bodies, I don't like dissections, and I worked too much. So I guess the struggles made sense. In the end I didn't get the 75% that I needed in that third. I got a 74.2. And I passed the other two sections. And aced my other two classes. Unfortunately the higher powers of the program felt I needed to take the class over. And as the class is only offered in the fall I get to sit out the next semester. This news was met with much sadness, and some anger and bitterness. However, anger, sadness, and bitterness do not a happy life make. So I've mostly moved on to the final stage of grief, acceptance. I am accepting of this decision. I guess. I mean there's not a whole lot I can do about it. So while the acceptance may be forced, it's there. Now I've moved on to what I'm going to do with my life for the next eight months. And I have some ideas. I'm looking at this as an opportunity for self discovery and improvement. So instead of moping around feeling bad about myself and losing all my self esteem I am, you know, growing as a person, or something. I've started jogging. I'm going to a dermatologist at some point. I want to get knew glasses, and I will. I want to take care of me. I'm going to figure out my faith and my feminism (for those of you who don't know I'm a feminist. Surprise?) I'm going to find me. Hopefully. Or I'll just look back in 8 months and feel really silly for thinking I could do all this and be the same person I am now. But hopefully it's the first thing. Anywho, I thought I would put this out there so all the very few of you who read this will know. Also so that I could stop feeling like I'm hiding from this thing that happened. So I can move forward and not feel inferior and stupid and ashamed. Because I am human, damn it, and sometimes things are hard,and I fail. So deal with it, because I'm trying to.

Oooooooh Boy

So sometimes I go out in public, and do things like shop. Granted I usually do these public things with my mom and 16 year old brother. But they're awesome. So its all good. Whenever I go out in public however, I am quickly, and sometimes harshly reminded why it's for the best that I stay inside, alone. For example....

Today while out with my family we entered a weird seasonal game/calendar store. I was looking around, trying to figure out if I should get the sexy fireman calendar or the sexy Chippendales calendar not paying attention my surroundings when I popped my hip and planted my foot. In hindsight I guess I did plant it on a slightly uneven surface, but in the moment I didn't notice. In fact I didn't notice anything for like 5-10 seconds, until the "ground" I was standing on shifted. Because it turns out the "ground" I had been standing on was someones foot. Yes. For 5-10 seconds I had been standing on some guys foot. Totally didn't even realize. But oh it gets better, after the poor teenaged gentlemen I was holding captive by my stance shifted his trapped appendage instead of immediately jumping backwards off the foot I looked down and stared at the foot. For another 2-3 second. Just stared. At the foot. Then I looked up. And the kid was staring at me. And I muttered some probably incoherent apology. But instead of playing it cool, or even blaming drugs I stuttered and blushed and glanced around nervously, and I assume creepily. and then turned around and did this weird shuffle run in the opposite direction. Yup. That is my life.

So. For anyone thinking that they are the most awkward person in the universe, rest assured, you're not. I got the call today to inform me that that award belongs to me.

Apology to a Deer

Last night as I was driving home from a friends I hit a deer with my car. I am uninjured, and my car is miraculously not totaled. I am however filled to the brim with guilt. See I was able to slam on my breaks fast enough that I didn't kill the deer on impact. But I didn't slow the car down enough that no harm was done to the poor deer. Between the shock of hitting an animal with my car and the people honking behind me after I hit said animal I didn't actually get to find out if the deer lived or died slowly alone in the night. I mean it limped away, but it couldn't stand up completely. So yes. I am plagued with guilt over the harm I caused this deer and the uncertainty over it's fate. And the way I'm choosing to deal with it is write a blog apology that the deer will never see. But given that I'm the type of person that uses cups to rescue spiders I find in my house and I spent many minutes of my youth picking up worms from the sidewalk and putting them back on the grass something has to be done. And this is what I'm doing. Deal with it.

Dear deer,
I am so so sorry that I hit you with my car last night. You came out of nowhere, and then you froze, much like your kind does in headlights. I tried to slam on the brakes, but you were too close, and my reflexes too slow. I'm sorry that I caused you pain. I would never intentionally hurt something as graceful and docile as yourself. If you lived I'm sorry for any permanent limp and/or emotional scarring that occurred. And if you didn't make it, you sweet sweet creature, I'm sorry that you died in pain. I'm sorry that if I had to kill you I couldn't just kill you outright. I also apologize to any deer family you might have had. I hope you know that it wasn't your deer relative's fault, and I'm sorry for your loss. Wherever you are deer, whether it be alive and bounding in the foothills of Provo, or frolicking in the great meadow in the sky I hope you are happy. And I hope you know how sorry I am. Because I am really terribly and so so sorry.
My best wishes
Jessica.