So sometimes I go out in public, and do things like shop. Granted I usually do these public things with my mom and 16 year old brother. But they're awesome. So its all good. Whenever I go out in public however, I am quickly, and sometimes harshly reminded why it's for the best that I stay inside, alone. For example....
Today while out with my family we entered a weird seasonal game/calendar store. I was looking around, trying to figure out if I should get the sexy fireman calendar or the sexy Chippendales calendar not paying attention my surroundings when I popped my hip and planted my foot. In hindsight I guess I did plant it on a slightly uneven surface, but in the moment I didn't notice. In fact I didn't notice anything for like 5-10 seconds, until the "ground" I was standing on shifted. Because it turns out the "ground" I had been standing on was someones foot. Yes. For 5-10 seconds I had been standing on some guys foot. Totally didn't even realize. But oh it gets better, after the poor teenaged gentlemen I was holding captive by my stance shifted his trapped appendage instead of immediately jumping backwards off the foot I looked down and stared at the foot. For another 2-3 second. Just stared. At the foot. Then I looked up. And the kid was staring at me. And I muttered some probably incoherent apology. But instead of playing it cool, or even blaming drugs I stuttered and blushed and glanced around nervously, and I assume creepily. and then turned around and did this weird shuffle run in the opposite direction. Yup. That is my life.
So. For anyone thinking that they are the most awkward person in the universe, rest assured, you're not. I got the call today to inform me that that award belongs to me.
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