Anatomy of a Boy Band

Boy Bands are back! Or should I say there is a boy band and it has arrived in 2012 like a remainder of a bygone era. Namely the 90s. The boy band of which I speak is of course One Direction. And boy are they a boy band in every sense of the word. They have it all, poppy songs, sappy lyrics, legions of hysterical obsessed fans who stand outside for hours hoping to catch a glimpse of their beautiful faces, ridiculous music videos, cheesy dance moves. See? Everything. Anyway with this resurgence (is it a resurgence if theres just the one) of boy band mania I've noticed somethings about boy bands that I didn't notice back when I was belting out Backstreet Boys as a preteen. For the record I still belt out Backstreet Boys, but that's not the point. Namely I've noticed that all boy bands seem to be made of of the same type of stock characters. So, for my (and possibly your, but mostly my) enjoyment I am going to break down the boy band using the bands One Direction, Backstreet Boys, N*Sync and the Spice Girls. And before you start telling me that the Spice Girls isn't a boy band, think about it, its the same basic principal but with more girl power and boobs. So here it is, my essential list of boy band members.

1. The Talent. Every boy band, no no strike that, every band in general has to have at least one talented member. Most bands have more talented members, but boy bands tend to have just the one. The one who's truly talented. They do most of the lead vocals, kinda carry everyone else, could maybe make a solo career if they get out soon enough. In Backstreet Boys (BB from here on out) it's Brian, a little balding, but solid in the singing department. In N*Sync (NS) it's Justin, obviously, I mean he brought sexy back, what more is  there to say. In the Spice Girls (GS) I think it's Ginger as far as the actual singing goes, but as far as the life success rate it's definitely Posh, I mean she married Becks soooo... And in One Direction (OD) its the British kid with brown hair. Oh wait. It's the one they call Liam. I think.
2. The one who thinks they are the talent. Yeah. This is awkard. But seriously there's always one guy who thinks he's a WAY bigger deal than he/she actually is. This person will probably try to make a solo album, that will totally flop. BB: Kevin Richardson, NS JC Chasez, SG: Sporty Spice  and in OD... it's actually too soon to tell. The one with the ego huge enough to think they can make it on their own isn't usually reviled until they try to make it on their own. And by trying to make it on their own they usually break up the band. Seriously this person is THE WORST.
3. The blond one. Take a look at all these groups, mostly a lot of brunettes with the token towhead thrown in to shake things up. Now this generally only applies to the all white/mostly white groups. And those are what I listen to. So this stays. BB: Nick Carter, NS: Lance Bass (who would also fall into the closeted member which is not always a part of a boy band, but sometimes is)(he also is a bottle blond, but I'm counting it), SG: Baby Spice, duh, and OD: The blond one, who is apparently called Niall which I don't know how to say.
4. The "Bad" Boy/Crazy one: I use the term "bad" loosely. I mean, you're in a boy band, how bad can you be? But there's always the one, that walks, if not exactly ON the edge, but a little closer to it than the other guys, or girls. Usually there are piercings involved i.e. Zayn from OD, who's name even sounds vaguely bad ass. And/or tattoos a la AJ from the Backstreet Boys, and who's name is also kind of rebel without a cause-y. This person is probably going to end up in the news for all the wrong reasons like Scary Spice(you couldn't find someone better than Eddie Murphy fro your baby daddy) or a desperate wash out like Chris from N*Sync(that poor fool still thinks the band is getting back together). Being the bad boy might be fun at the time, but I don't think it ever leads good places.
5. The other one. Think about it, for some reason all these groups had five members and they all have one member that you just forget about. BB Howie, NS Joey, SG...Posh, lets be honest she was sort of non existent in the actually band. She got famous through her husband. And OD: the brown haired british one, oh wait, the one they call Louis. 

So there you have it. The recipe for a boy band. I don't know what you plan to do with the information. I see two options; go out and really bring back the 90s by creating too many boy bands to keep track of, or use this information to destroy any and all future boy bands. The choice is yours. Choose wisely.