Bumps and bruises

Good news folks the upbeat piece promised after my last horribly depressing/long winded/soul searching crap-o-post is here. Thank heavens.

So I just impaled my second toe on a tooth pick. Yeah. I was trying to be all productive and clean my room, and I went to pick something up and BAM! Searing pain rushing through the pointer toe on my right foot. I look down to see half a toothpick looking up at me from said toe. WTF! I mean it's a tooth pick. And it wasn't even sharp end in, it was the splintered end of a broken toothpick. Who would have thought that possible? Yet here I am, a few minutes later bandaging my toe wondering if I still have remnants of tooth pick in my toe. That is when I realized that this is really just the latest in a recent string of bizarre self inflicted injuries. Seriously I don't know how I do it, and how my body has not just quit on me yet. Don't believe you, well here is a detailed list of all my the injuries I have acquired in the last month or two.

1. Burn on the inside of my right leg. I bumped the exhaust pipe on my dad's motorcycle, Stan, whilst trying not to spill milkshakes upon dismount. For the record I didn't spill a drop.
2. Parallel bruises on my left leg. The cause is still a mystery. I think it was from mowing the lawn, but I'm not entirely sure. How does one bruise ones thigh while mowing the lawn? What can I say, I guess I'm an aggressive mower.
3. Bruised shin. I know this doesn't sound that whacky, but I got it from tripping up the stairs. Yes, up them.
4. Scraped knee. I thought there was one more step in my basement and instead of just doing that weird trip thing like most people I ate it. Hard.
5. Scrapped up wrist. I found out my mirror had sharp edges the hard way.
6. Bruised cheek. I was bending into my car to get something and somehow rammed my face into the corner of the door with a large amount of force. People asked me if I was being abused, and if I won the fight. Yes, I am my cars bitch, and no my car won the fight won't let me forget it.
7. Thats all I can think of recently, but I also have scars on my leg from dropping an iron on my leg, on my elbows from tripping while playing fugitive and from trying long boarding. And am pretty much constantly discovering mystery bruises.

So the moral of this story is that I'm pretty sure that I'm either going to develop skin that can withstand bullets or I'm going to die young in a freak accident involving ice cubes, a very sharp spoon and an army of hummingbirds.