Tattoos

So today I got a text from someone. It was a picture with the words "NEW INK!" Yes ladies and gentlemen this someone, who is not ready to go public yet, is all growed up and getting ink done. Weird. Not the actual tattoo, but the fact that he's no longer the buck-toothed bowl cutted kid that I always imagine him as. The tattoo itself is actually pretty sweet. It's the Green Lantern symbol for hope. I mean besides the fact that it looks cool Hope is also my middle name so I get to pretend he got it because he loves me so much and wants to think about me all the time. Seeing this new, and still incredibly painful looking, tattoo has caused me to reflect on my own opinion of tattoos. I've come to the conclusion that much like graffiti they are cool and can be really beautiful but probably not something I would ever actually try out for myself. The reasons behind it have less to do with the religiously frowned upon-ness of it and everything to do with sheer logic. First off, I am super indecisive and would have a really hard time actually deciding what I would want. I mean this thing is going to be on you forever. No way could I make that choice. Even if I did make it, I would probably change my mind. I think the biggest problem I have with them is that they are so permanent. I mean sure a tramp stamp is going to look super awesome and cute and classy now, but in 15-20 years when my metabolism grinds to a halt and I put on about 300 pounds that tramp stamp is just going to look gross. I mean really gross. Not like, wow that chick has ink right above her butt crack what a lovely area of the body to draw my attention to gross, but like what is that thing on that morbidly obese woman's back flesh, and is it supposed to be there and why do the morbidly obese always have muffin tops? gross. But I think they are cool. I think if I were to get one it would be on that little piece of skin right behind your ear before your hairline. I think I would get a woodpecker. But I don't think I'll tell you why. So there, ha!

Nodders

Today marks the beginning of my second semester at the U. I made it through the first semester and it's easy sailing from here. At least thats the hope. I would like to mark the beginning of this semester positively by listing all of the things about school/the classroom setting that bug me.

Nodders: You know who they are. The annoying folks who sit as close as they can to the front, and then, as if that isn't enough of a brown noser move they proceed to nod at everything the professor says. I mean really? You look like a bobble head. A really ridiculous bobble head. The professor doesn't need to know that you agree with him. He's a professor, so the stuff he's saying is probably right. Your nodding does nothing to help the class. Also wipe that grin off your face, you look ridiculous.

Snifflers: Something that I have always believed is that if your body wants something out of it, you should let it out. For instance if you have a disgustingly large amount of snot that is trying to drip itself out of your nose, don't snort it back up into the depths of your nasal cavities. It doesn't want to be there. It's going to try and escape again. Just get a tissue and blow it out.

The cough chain: One person coughs, and that starts a chain reaction. A few other people cough, and then a few more and soon its like some sort of horrible cough chorus. Everyone is coughing, even if they don't have to. It's the worst during a test, because I get distracted and like to see if I can pick out a coughing pattern.

Eaters: I have a thing about chewing. Mostly I am disgusted by the sound of people eating. Anything. If I can hear it being chewed I want to gag and run away and hit the person chewing. So obviously people coming to class and munching on an apple with their mouth wide open makes me a little twitchy. And by a little twitchy I mean it is physically hard for me to not just turn around and slap them. Eat your food in your home, not sitting next to me.

I think thats all. But seriously people are annoying. Happy semester everyone!

Reviews and non-resolutions

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! That's right folks it is 2011. I know you're shocked, surprised that another year has passed, but hey it happens. At this beautiful beginning of the new year I am going to do a review, but not of all of 2010, that would be WAY too hard. Nope I'm going to do a review of only my holidays, more specifically my trip to Idaho. At the same time I might come up with non-resolutions. See, I don't like real resolutions, because they all end the same way. You start out with this grand and lofty goals. You are pumped up, you are going to change and be better and blah blah blah. Then, inevitably you fail, and your self esteem plummets, you feel bad and your behavior worsens. I don't like resolutions, and I don't make them. But I have some non resolutions. These are, shockingly, not resolutions. I don't care if they happen, but if they do, great. So here it goes.

Idaho, if you don't have to visit it, I really wouldn't. It's windy and cold and there isn't really anything to do there, especially in the winter, in Twin Falls. So you know, just avoid it. Unfortunately my grandma and half my dads family is there so to Twin Falls I went. And that brings me to non-resolution number 1 never live in Idaho, or Wyoming, oooooor Montana (but I would be ok with Montana if I was old.)

One of the redeeming factors of Twin Falls is that because there isn't really anything to do there so we always do family trips to and Barns and Noble. I love that place. I'm pretty sure heaven will smell just like that beautiful beautiful place. I spent almost half of my Christmas on books. Which leads to my non-resolution Barnes number 2: Read books. I think I can do that.

I saw my cousins, in Idaho. The younger ones are adorable, but loud and the older ones are quiet but annoying. It was grand. No non-resolution here, just noting that while you have to love all your extended family sometimes it's best that you only see each other like twice a year.

Now some completely non Idaho non resolutions.

Non-resolution number 3: Better oral hygiene. I have been slacking on my flossing. It's not good. I'm going to stop that.

Non-resolution number 4: Don't kill my roommate. I think it's going to be harder then it sounds, but my motivation to not go to jail is high, so I think I'll be ok.

And that about wraps up the things I want to do with my life this year. Not an overwhelmingly ambitious list, but I'm ok with that. I think my self esteem will thank me later.

My Holidays

So after spending most of the past week in Salt Lake, alone in my cold apartment, working retail and slowly growing to despise Christmas music (for real, the chipmunks should be shot) and watching old movies I am finally home sweet home in Mapleton Utah, ready for "the holidays" which is a rather vague description. I guess that makes it so every person can decide what it means to them. For me "the holidays" means traditions and family. Every year, excepting the year we got stuck in a blizzard, the traditions get up and rolling on Christmas eve. Christmas eve means that either my family goes to my aunt's house or my aunt's family comes to us and we eat our Christmas eve dinner. I bet I know what you're picturing, some sort of delicious large meat with potatoes and gravy and rolls right? Wrong. In the Swensen household Christmas Eve dinner means crepes filled with strawberries, chocolate and whip cream with a side of greasy sausage and bacon. I don't actually like crepes all that much but once a year, and only once a year, I choke one down because... it's tradition! Even the year we got caught in a blizzard and couldn't make it to my aunts and had no fruit filling we stopped at a Walgreens and got frozen fruit bars and came home and made crepes. After the crepes theres some adult time talking and child merriment before everyone gets in their vehicles and heads home, or stays where they are depending. After the family frivolity our family gets down to bidness. We open our Christmas eve present, not to give it away, but it's alway pajamas. The kids go and change. Then we listen to "The Happy Prince." It's this super old recorded story that started as a record from my great grandma and trickled down until my dad had it turned into a cd. It's old and scratchy and one of the most beautiful stories ever. Then we usually read the story of Christmas in the Bible. We round of the night by watching "A Christmas Story" or some other festive film. Then it's off to bed for us kids, who usually pile in one room to sleep. Christmas means waking up early, and waiting anxiously at the top of the stairs for the parents to awake and for Christmas to start. Santa always leaves our presents on the couch, but this year is going to wrap some too. After Santa we unwrap the rest of the family gifts. Then everyone plays with their new toys or takes a nap. The day after Christmas is where the family comes in. It means a 4 hour drive up to Twin Falls Idaho. It means seeing all the aunts and uncles from my dad's side of the family. It means a massive tempura fry with veggies, shrimp, and chicken for the kids and me who can't eat shrimp in one of the family owned grocery stores. After stuffing ourselves with the Japanese version of KFC its back to grandma's for the gift exchange. Which is huge. And takes forever. And is awesome, as long as you don't have to be "Santa," which is just annoying. After that the kids are shooed away and the adults play white elephant. This game is epic on it's own, but when you have two uncles who own grocery stores the presents are even more epic and range from Tide racing jackets to beef jerky trucker hats. The following days pass in a haze of movie watching, wrestling small children and playing a lot of house. But wait there's more. See we have yet to cover New Year's eve. We're back home by then and always party hard with our family friends. There's a nice meal and then the older kids find a party while the adults go to sleep or talk. It's always loads of fun.

I don't know why I felt inclined to share every last one of my holiday traditions with all you readers. I guess with so many of my friends married and or engaged it makes me think of a time in the distant future where the Holidays will be different, and mean something different. I'm not sure how I feel about that, and about making new traditions. I mean it's part of life, but does it have to be? Oh well. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. For now I guess this blog post will be incredibly boring to most and a documentation of my history for others, and by others I mean just me. After all they are my Holidays.

NPR is the GREATEST THING EVAAAA

This week at work I am reading "A View from Saturday." Yes I know that this is a kids book, but I love it so you can shove it. Anyway one of the main character's grandfather's friends says that the ballpoint pen is the lead cause behind the decline of the Western Civilization. I personally disagree, and love my ballpoint pens but it got me thinking, what is the causing the decline of Western Civilization and how do we fix it? Well I'm not sure exactly what the cause, or causes of this apparent decline is, although I can think of a few, for example an apathetic youth and general mistrust of one person of everyone else around them, an in depth look at our societies failings is for another post. I have however decided that western civilization would be greatly improved by everyone listening to something aired on National Public Radio aka NPR. It is, in my humble opinion, the greatest thing ever. I am currently subscribed to This American Life, Wait Wait Don't Tell Me, and RadioLab. I plan on adding Fresh Air and Talk of the Nation to this list. They are fabulous for people who have no car and must walk to school, namely me. You put on a pod cast and listen while you walk. It's a beautiful system. I think if people listened western civilization might make a recovery, but maybe that's just me. At any rate I figured what's the point of having a blog if I can't occasionally shamelessly promote my favorite things? So the moral is, NPR is great, and you, dear reader, whoever you may be, should check it out. It might just change your life.

Online classes might be a joke but...

Memo to all bloggers if any of you are college aged students, oh wait, that basically describes my demographic of three, anyway I encourage you to take online classes. But not just any online classes, you should take online classes that sound like they would be really easy in a classroom, online. Because there is nowhere for the ease to go but down. Exhibit A, my online human exceptionality class. It's fantastic. Basically the class has 4 basic parts. Part 1, "required" reading. Translation, "skim when and if you need it for the assignments" reading. Part 2, "quizzes." Translation, "give your opinion on a question that is vaguely related to the related to the reading, with some sketch quotes and support thrown in." Part 3 "discussions" with your peers. Translation, look at the "quiz" or "answer" that someone gave to a question of another person wise enough to take the online class, and give your opinion, oh and you can support it, if you want. Part 4 "group projects." Translation, "sit back while everyone does the work and still get hailed as the master of the" project. This is my favorite part of the class. I always expect it to be hard, and then its not. I believe the main reason for this is that the other people in my class are stupid. Let me explain. The "group projects" there are two roles, the "scribe" and the "everyone else." Translation the "person who puts together the work that everyone else does with the addition of a few commas," and the "people who do all the work." For some reason people in my groups always chose to be the later, leaving me, the good person that I am, to take on the grueling and challenging role of "scribe." So basically I sit back, don't do the reading, don't do the research, don't do much of anything, and wait for people to give me the information. Then I throw it in a slide show, or a snappy word document, make sure that people you they're instead of there and presto whamo, I get 100 points. It is fantastic. And I don't even have to feel bad because no one else want to do it. Then I'm left with a whole evening that was scheduled for group project work that takes me an hour leaving me to time to focus on my other studies, or watch Psych. In short, online classes might be a joke but as long as they still think we're laughing with them and not at them, I am totally fine with it.

Tolstoy Shmolstoy

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That ladies and gentlemen of the blogging world is my triumphant laugh. I, Jessica Swensen, after two and a half summers, and one do over have FINALLY finished Leo Tolstoy's "War and Peace." Yes that's right I read all 1215 pages, even the epilogue. Gee Jessica, proud and braggy much? Well yes, yes I am, and I think I have the right to be. Tolstoy may be one of the best novelists of all time, he may have an incredible mind and a gift for creating a vivid story, a picture of the human condition, and a philosophy on the meaning of history all in one powerful and moving novel, but heavens above that man was long winded. So I am going to strut around like a proud peacock for the next few days, because that book was the hardest thing I have ever read. I think I'm also going to put the fact that I finished it on my resume. Ok, that's it, I just had to let all you people who do and don't read my blog know of my mental and literary moment of joy.